I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
