put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize