That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
