were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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