What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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