He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
