I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
