Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We got so high we made milksteak
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
