and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
