I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
