What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm too high and old for this...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
