don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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