Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
