Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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