dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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