Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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