Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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