it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
