come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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