Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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