OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
