you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
