I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
