I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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