Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
