So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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