This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
