Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
