You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
