I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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