I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
