I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
