So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
