he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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