well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
