She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
