Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
