The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
