Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
