I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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