i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize