he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
