well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
