So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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