He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
