jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize