on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize