I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
