Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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