I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
