I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
