New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did i walk over a car last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
