rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
