Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
