we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize