I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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