I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
