Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
