Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
