Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize