I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
