I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
