Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
