with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my phone needs a breathalizer
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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