I got chris browned last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
