talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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