8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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