i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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