I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
