So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
