Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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