I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize