she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
