worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
