I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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