Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
