i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
